Friday, October 30

(Not so) Quick Update ;)

I just want to let all of you beautifuls know that my appointment went very well!!

I'm so glad I did this!! Couldn't have done it withough all of you and my best friend!!

Thank you so much for supporting me in this and even pushing me to do so!! And of course thanks for sharing your stories!! This made it so much easier, to know I have a bunch of people believing in me - that I'm doing the right thing!!

I totally lucked out with this T! She is truly amazing - we clicked instantly! It was so relieving to talk to someone without being lookt at like a lunatic or like they think "just stop! just like yourself"!! To talk to her and see in her eyes that she knows and understands what I was telling her!! We made a new appointment and I'll start single therapy with her and she strongly suggested a Nutritionis for me, but we will discuss this next time! Until then I have a little questionnaire to fill out and start with a food diary!

I'm not too happy with the diary part, because right know I definitely don't eat enough (sorry for mentioning this and sorry if this is triggering!!) and I'm not sure if I just give it to her like it is, or if I'll tweak it a little! But I don't want to start our "thing" with lies!! The first time I don't have to lie about food, how it makes me feel, my weight and how gaining all this weight back is super upsetting for me!! So we'll see! I still have time to think about it - no appointment until (a day after my birthday!!) the 9th.

Alright! Enough doctor-talk! ;) Onto the good stuff!!

Even though I didn't eat to much the last few days, I definitely had some deliciouse things!!

Tuesday was veeeeeeeeeery bad!!! Had quite the binge!! And I finally swore that this was THE LAST EVER!!!

I just can't do this anymore!!!

But to start at the beginning - day went well, as always. Did not go to Yoga because my mom had other obligations and I planned to go and donate blood for a few weeks and since Tuesday is the only day I can go I thought I took the plunge. Walked there in the beautiful fall weather!!

Everything went fine even though my blood pressure was a little low (99/64) as always!

breakfast: half a cup muesli, an apple, a kiwi and lots of cinnamon and flax

lunch: lots of veggies (orange bell pepper, zucchini, cauliflower, cherry tomatoes)
with 1/3 cup cottage cheese and paprika

dessert a little later: granola bar with orange dark chocolate

pre-donation: a sliced apple, babybel and curry cashews

the beautiful cemetery I walked through!
a little halloween feeling ;)

it was such a nice fall afternoon - the pic doesn't do it justice!

dinner (I was given after donating): ww kind-of-bagle with a little cream cheese and pate, orange juice on the side
didn't eat the toblerone - took it with me though!

proof ;)

thank god everything goes smoothly every time!! I like the thought of helping someone with my blood!! :D

and like I said! everything went downhill - once again but this time was THE LAST TIME!!!
this is about 1/5 of what I ate (not everything sweet and nut just this times five!!)

Wednesday was alright!! Day was kind of slow and I was glad once the clock turned 4.30pm so I could go to the post office to finally receive my English Certificate!! YAY! And then head to my ballet and jazz practice!! Went really well! My teacher checked my point shoes and told me that I could practice in them for a while, but they are a little to soft for me (they are second-hand) and I'll have to buy my own soon - which is totally ok for me!! Can't wait until Monday to start practice at class with them!!

breakfast; 1/3 cup muesli, half an apple, half a kiwi and 1/3 of a small banana
with lots of cinnamon and flax - some magnesium/calcium tablets

small portion of my quinoa and veggies
about 1/3 cup quinoa tops, orange pepper, zucchini, cauliflower and cherry tomatoes
1/3 cup cottage cheese, paprika and topped with a little seed mix

pre-workout/dinner: half of this peanut&oat TREK bar - totally delicious!!!!
and a babybel - had one cup skim milk after dance (unpictured)

Thursday was interesting to say the least! More on the go than in the office. :)

My T-app. at 8am - back in the office at 9.30am, worked straight though until 3pm when I had to leave to drive 1,5h to pick up my nieces (they had some kind of pre-evaluation for their jobs), drive back and drop them at the barne they work! Not to much traffic thank god but still very busy and tiring! Finally home at 9pm!

breakfast (part1) at 8am before my appointment

awesome stats!! It was interesting!
Since I'm still not used to the ginger taste in something sweet, the first bite was kind of not so good,
but the longer I chewed and ate - the better it got! :D

breakfast (part2) at 11am was the same as on wednesday
here pre mixing

here post-mixing so you can see what I had in there! ;)

late lunch at 2.30pm was a delicious quick soup (veggy and potato/leek)
on top of my work ;)

I drove into the sunset!! beautiful colors!!
on the road I hade some (unpictured) crackers and the other half of the TRAK peanut&oat bar

So yeah!! This is it!! My Not-So-Quick update!! Hadn't planned to write so much (like usual) so I just changed my title a little!! ;)

Hope all of you had a (better) good time and why don't you tell me about your favorite day so far this week?! When and why?! ;)

Have a wonderful day everyone!!


Tuesday, October 27

Bottomless Pit

Wonderful morning to everyone!
My morning begun with a wonderful blue sky and (a little later) was greeted with sunshine!!
I love mornings like this! And in the fall it's kind of macigal!! ;)

But I need to write about yesterday not today!!
I like Mondays - unlike the majority of humans!
It might have to do with someone named B (who works in my office) and with my ballet-class in the evening to which I look forward all day (do I need to lookout for more B-words?! :D )!! And this Monday was not different!!
Flirted a little in the early morning - and since we aren't supposed to do that it's a lot more exciting!! :D
And enjoyed a nice breakfast around 8.30am (I usually make my b-fast around 7am and wait until 8-8.30am because otherwise I'm hungry again a little too early and this way my muesli has time to soak!)

about half a cup ww muesli soaked in water - half an apple, a kiwi, about a tbsp pb chocolate dreams topped with flax
(I had to take a pic before mixing it up - this way it looks soo much nicer!!)

The morning went by fast even though I don't have much to do at the moment! But I had enough time to catch up with all your lovely blogs (since I hadn't had time on sunday) and enjoyed all of your posts!! That is another reason why I looove Mondays!! ;D

lunch: approx. 1/4 cup quinoa, yellow pepper, zucchini, cauliflower
added cherry tomatoes after I took the pic and mixted in cottage cheese and topped it as usual with a seeds and nuts-mix

kind of dessert an hour after lunch - granola bar

An uneventful afternoon later I approached 4pm and had my early kind of dinner befor my ballet class at 5.20pm:

two ww cracker with a tartar (something like philadelphia) and chicken
on the side a babybell and for dessert a dark chocolate covered granola bar - which is awesome by the way!! sadly it has too much bad ingedients!

After an exhausting but awesome ballet class I came home craving someting salty:

I just prepared myself a little quick (instant) soup and had milk on the side
I had another mug later with chocolate

After my ballet class earlier I asked my teacher what she thought about me starting to dance "en pointe" and as awesome as she is, she just gave me some pointe shoes to try on and told me that she is absolutely sure that I would do great and that my feet would be strong enough and to say it (kind of) in her words "it would be fun!"
You can't imagine how excited I was!!!! So after I showered I just had to try them on!!
And surprisingly they fit perfectly!!! She forgot to give me the pattings for them but since I plan on buying a pair of my own for my birthday (coming up soon on the 11/08) I did not care!

sorry for the overload on pics, but I just couldn't get enough!! ;D
I probably didn't do it right, but I just wanted to know how it feels like to stand 'en pointe' (of corse I hold on to my barre)
and it was unbelievable!! I can't wait to start practice in them!!

I have no idea why but I was craving sweet and salty really bad so I had a (not so little) snack
count this times two or even three!!
sporting the point-shoes!! yay!!!
Of course I had to think about Jee from to dance among the stars... the whole time!!! :D

I will stop now, I'm a little dissapointet at how much I ate after "dinner" but that was yesterday and know I try to do better today!!
Hope all of you had a wonderful Monday - or even an OK one!! ;)
Wish you a joyful and sunny Tuesday!!!

Lots of hugs and positiv energy to all of you!!

Sunday, October 25

Nice Weekend - Kind Of

Here we are again....! :)
I hope all of you had a good weekend!!! Mine was nice - a lot of mother-daughter time, but also a little emotionally draining. No big deal! I have to keep in mind that having ONE bad day is already sooooo much better than a few weeks ago when I had a whole bunch of bad days!! So YAY!!

I forgott to mention that I went to a snowboard store on friday where all the last season stuff was on sale and finally got myself a new binding for my snowboard!! I'm so happy!! I purchased a pair of new boots last winter but since I only started snowboarding again after about five years, I just didn't want to spend too much money in case I would not enjoy it! But I did, a lot and I'm eager to spend a lot of time on the board this winter!!!
I also got myself a pair of gloves and a new pair of jeans!! All about 40-60% off!!! What a catch!

On to saturday, which started pretty late for me - what a nice surprise!! I slept until 8.30pm and headed direclty to my laundry room to do my laundry. After I put my two loads into the dryer I went to the store to buy a few additionals for my breakfast - around 10pm. So this was a fairly late breakfast!!

I tried pumpkin oats for the first time! And to be honest, it didn't do anything for me!!
Sorry.... For all of you who love it, but.... I don't know! I just wasn't satisfied with the taste! :(
So I topped it with a bunch of things :)
almond and pumkinseed butter, pinenuts, cranberries, goji berries and banana
it was ok.

After finishing laundry my mom picked me up and we went to water a friends plants and do some grocery shopping for our lunch/dinner. Once we came home (my mom's) we had a little snack (an unpictured huge seedy cracker) and we went for a long walk and had a really good talk!! :)
Back home we started to prepare for dinner, which I was excited for!! My mom invited Udo (a lodger who lives in my old room ;D ) to join us for dinner - he's a hottie!! :D So I snapped a pic before he came up (and told my mom about me blogging, which was fun).

Whole wheat pasta, veggies (red and yellow peppers, broccoli, onion and champignons)
and a nice pork chop (have about 1/3 to Udo!)
Of course I had seconds (except the meat)!

Look at this funny little kind of fruits this plant makes!! Little hearts!! So cute!!

The day went by fast and soon enough I was back home, huddled up on my couch, watching tv shows! And having an (unpictured) evening snack.

Sunday I woke up normal arounb 7.30pm and went from bed straigt to my couch! After making tea and drinking a cup, I decided on a run before the weather turns and had a few bites from this awesome bar I brought from London!

My run (the first one since London) was a good one!! My legs where a little tired but they just need to adjust to running first, since I only started a few weeks ago! I was pretty happy and at some point I even managed to run 0.6 miles in one go!! YAY!! (I know for some of you this is like nothing, but I couldn't manage to run for more than a few minutes so far withough breathing like a horse!!)
Once home I was ready for breakfast!!

my weekend-standart banana overnight oats with apple compote
topped with pine nuts, cranberries, goji berries, peanut and pumkinseed butter and banana

since I was still hungry after my bowl, I decided to add a few ricecakes (five in total) with some London-bought Lemon Curd, Almond Butter, a few slices chicken and a babybel

At 12.30pm my mom picked me up and we went to my sisters, where we spend the day catching up, playing with my four and a half year old nephew, taking a (slooooow) walk and eating dinner!

(this is not my pic!!! stole it from google!)
I had two small bowls tomato risotto with salad on the side
and some (unpictured) biscuits that where layind around and screaming my name!

Coming home around 7pm I was hungry again (what's wrong?!), so I had a few more ricecakes like breakfast #2 and after that I indulged in some late night snacks!! Was soooo stuffed and once again, knew why I hated eating this late and this much!!! HAVE TO STOP DOING THIS!!!! Went to sleep and trying to forget about it!!

And here we are... New week, new luck!!! I'm looking forward to my ballet class this evening and hope this week will be as good as last one was, or even better!! Even though it will be a little on the stressed side, but you well hear about this when it happens!! ;)

Have a wonderful Monday everyone!!!
And thank you sooooo much for sharing and commentin on my last post!!!
Love each and everyone of you for it!!!!

Hugs and kisses

Saturday, October 24

Boring Friday

Hello weekend!!

I have to say that I'm really content with this week!! Even with my London-Trip now I had time to think about it a little!! I let myself eat whatever I wanted and for that I did really well!! Acutally can't even believe how good I did!

I believe this is progress, isn't it?! I hope I can continue like this, to be happy with what I do and not be feed up by little slip ups!!
Hope you all had a good week to..?!
Lately I've been thinking about what I want to do with this blog... I started it just to keep track on everything and to open my eyes about my eating habbits!! And I definitely want to continue with this... And since I'm a lot more comfortable with writing in englisch, I might even start to elaborate a few topics that might be a little more interesting for you all!!
I'm going to think about all of this and let you know!! ;)

Right know I'm a little anxious about this upcoming Thursday - my ED appointment! I just have no idea what to tell her!! Where to start and.... Of course now I doubt if this was a good idea!! I know it is - but as I wrote earlier I still have that damn loud voice in me that tells me, that I'm not "sick enough" not even sick at all to be honest!
But I need to just let that go!! See what happens on Thursday and than go from there....!
Maybe some of you would like to share your first experience...?! This may help me a little!!

Know to the good stuff.... :D My eats as of yesterday:

breakfast again an ugly mess :D but soooo good!!! this time with apple instead of pear - so much better!!
I'm happy that I start loving apples agian, because after eating mostly apples for a long time,
I just had enough of them! but I'm happy they are back in my life!!

lunch: quinoa, zucchini, yellow pepper, cauliflower, grape tomatoes, a few bacon cubes
topped with cottage cheese, 1/4 avocado and a little of the seeds and nuts-mix
also had a few chocolate thins for dessert (like the day before)

around 2pm I broke into my snack
half of my first cocoa loco nakd bar - not a big fan!
since I'm a huge chocolate fan, this was just not chocolaty (sp?) enough for me!
but it had a nice apple juice taste!

at 3.30pm I finished off my nakd bar with a huuuuuuge pear (not too ripe, so much better!)

was invited to stay for dinner at my moms - always good! :)
veggie-soup with a splash of milk (this times two)
on the side a slice ww bread with a little butter, mustard and salami
(had another half slice later with only butter and mustard)
aaannnd I even had a little alcohol!! that's really rare for me, since I'm not a big fan!
a small glass white wine with cassis liquor - not bad

once I came home and catched up on my tv shows (I just have too much to watch this fall!!)
I got a little hungry around 9.30pm so I had a little late-night-snack
three dates with ~1tbsp peanut butter, mango-apple sauce with ~1tbsp almond butter
and a small mug skim milk

That's all for friday! I'm looking forward in catching up with all of your blogs and now I'm off to get my laundry out of my dryer and fold it, before my mom comes and picks me up for some nice mother-daughter day! Yay!!
Have a nice weekend you all, enjoy every second and only do what you really want to do!!!

Lots of love

Friday, October 23


Well hello there lovelies!!!

Yesterday was kind of a fun day. Don't know why exactely... It just was!!

First I need to tell you that I made kind of a big change in my eating habbits to finally beat my night-binging!! :D

Last week while talking to my friend about this problem, I came up with the idea that it might be best to start not eating too late! And since I have dance practice three out of the five days, I might try to just eat a little more pre-workout and just stick to liquid while home! I usually am not hungry after danceclass at all and just eat because I think "I have to" - but I'm stopping with this right now!! Usually I'm home between 7.30pm and 8.00pm and don't even like eating this late!!

So I tried this now on Wednesday and Thursday and it went really well!

Acutally I'm really happy with this, because I don't even thought about "eating this, eating that"... And to end a day with a nice (hot or) cold milk (rice or cow) with a little cacao or not just is perfect!!

So here we go.... With more " work" pictures.... Since I ate all my meals at work or on the way from work to practice!!

breakfast same as yesterday - looks kind of blech but I tell you it was divine!!
this dark chocolate dreams is awesome!!
I only wish I could get this here!!! thank god I bought three jars (of which one is half empty by now)!!

morning snack times two (and a few of my ginger and soy coated p-nuts)

lunch was also the same as yesterday - minus the avocado - added a few curry cashews

dessert three super thin lindt chocolate squares (one 70% dark and two orange chocolate) holy yum!

my dinner: two crackers with 1/4 avocado sprinkled with herbed salt and paprika
one pear with curry cashews

had the eat natural (blueberries pistachios and a yoghurt coating) bar
and the babybel on my way to the bus (I was running out of time!)
the bar was ok - wasn't a big fan of the yoghurt coating

once home I had a mug of skim milk and of course I did go back
and had half a mug with some cacao added
just perfect!!

I know that many of you probably think that this is a bad idea, but I eat enough calories (approx. 1500-1800) and it's only three days a week! So I hope you don't judge me about this because I think this might work wonder for me!! And maybe I'll be able to loose the few pounds that I piled on over the last few month slowly but surely!! I really want to wear my favorite clothes this winter and especally next spring/summer!!

So... Wish me luck!! I definitely feel good and strong!!

Btw dance on Wednesday and Yesterday was awesome!! I can't believe I had a two week break!! I feel every muscul in my body.... But I enjoyed every second!! Can't wait for my ballet-class on Monday!! And especially can't wait until the day I wont be like "I could be so much quicker, better, more flexible if I only finally lost those pounds"!!! I love dancing, and I could swear that the mirrors in the studio make me look smaller than I really am, but I'm glad they do... Otherwise I might not be dancing at this weight!! But this will be my least problem in a few month!! Yay!!

Anyways have a good day and as always.... Make it a marvelous one!!!