(good starting, bad ending) thursday

hey there.

i'm sorry but i don't have any energy right know to write much.

let's just say yesterday was good. food, mood and especially exercise was great - until i got home. or better until i finished dinner and dessert and once again, just could not stop myself. damn. i just want to ged rid of this "i want/need more"-feeling!! or better i want to know where this is coming from and solve the problem that causes this sh*t!

going right to the good stuff:

breakfast: mymuesli mix soaked in water with half a chopped apple, flax and sprinkled with cinnamon along with my jug of yogi tea

lunch (sorry for the bad pic, we ate at a restaurant and i only got to take one with my crappy cellphone): barbarie duck cross roasted, orange-honey sauce, almond-rice with green beans with bacon (i wasn't really impresst by this meal and did not enjoy it too much :( )

pm snack (pre-workout): spelt crackers

dinner (was awesome!!): lettuce, arugula, cucumber, avocado, plum tomatoes, garlic hummus, sunflower seeds, sesame with just a little balsamic vinegar and soy sauce, along with w/w bread topped with avocado and an egg

it really was THIS good!

dessert: one chopped up banana with chocolate soy cream, (first time trying it and it is really delicious!! maybe too good?!)

after this deliciouse dessert i continued with (but should really have stopped there because it would have been a good end along with a good feeling): meringue topped with choc soy cream and apple sauce, apple sauce with almond butter, rice cakes with (almond) butter, muesli with milk and little choc soy cream, more applesauce and finished with too much cashew nuts, dates (which i really don't do any good to my stomache, apparently :/ ) and coconut flakes.

uff... i really did not wanted to post it all but i thought it would do me good to see how ridiculous it was and how pathetic i am!

to be honest, even if it looks like a lot of food, most of it was just a handful but surely now in my head every spoonful was too much!

so. i'll leave you with the knowledge of how gross i am and hope i can make a happy before-holiday-post tomorrow (i'll just post in the evening and update friday and saturday at once).

so have a great time 'till then and a good start into the weekend.

love (at least i have plenty for you!) from

the swiss-girl

(a little tough but good) wednesday

well where should i start?

first i'd like to mention that it was an overall okay day. but...

i had two little break-downs. i don't even know exactly why, i was just so overwhelmed by all those feelings, that are bundling up inside me.

the first one was in the office and i just went strait to the toilet and shredded some tears. no big deal, in fact, i like to cry once in a while and i hadn't done that in quite some time.

see, i don't even remember when exactly it was or why... but i remember the feelings: sad, failing, letting everyone down, stupid... pathetic!

the other one was more a feeling-very-down-moment than a break-down, but since i hadn't had one of either of these at day-time in a long time, it felt really disturbing.

everything else was really good! it was a nice day. i spent some laughing moments with my boss on the way to a construction site and really enjoyed to talk and joking around with him. we get along so well and i know it's not a common thing, so i'm definitely don't take it for grounded.

at the moment i'm trying to spend as much time as possible at work or just outside of my flat, because this way i don't have to be bothered with all the food at home and the feelings i usually only got when i'm alone and at home. so i'm enjoying this time, loving to work so much.

on the the eating's.

breakfast: yogurt with mashed banana, almond butter, flax and a little muesli on top

lunch: w/w pasta with cauliflower, romanesco broccoli and plum tomatoes

p.m. snack: chopped up pear sprinkled with cinnamon topped with muesli and nuts/seeds along with 4 w/w darvida cracker and one glass coke zero (i definitely drink too much of this!!!)

dinner: a repeat from yesterday's dinner (plum tomatoes, cucumber, peas, kidnes beans) topped with tofu and sunflower seeds

late snack (after my english-lesson): cream cheese with chivre between two crackers from a vending-mashine

like i said, other than this two incidences my day was good. i walked about 50min throughout the day and enjoyed a great ballet-class even if it was only a 30min barre a terre-class. oh and we practiced the pirouette a little, which we usually don't do on wednesday. it went quite well. *yay* i'm getting better and better at it.

next week i have a lot of time practicing all my new ballet moves because i'm on holiday with my mom and a few others. we are going to our house in france and i won't be able to update or even check all your blogs because i don't have any access to the net there. but i think that will be a good chance to try and not obsess over food and my body all the time.

english-class was funny once again! we have such a great teacher, who tries to make our lessons as light, funny and humor filled as possible and we are still learning so much (i'm taking english lessons to be able to pass my CAE-exam in june)!

i really need to study a lot next week and since a friend of my moms is coming along, who is english i'll try my best and talk english with him as much as possible! i'm really looking forward to this!! and we have a room there with a lot of space so i can practice my pirouettes and piques and all the jumps without trashing everything around me! *yay again*

i try to take pictures but i'm not sure how my mom or all the others will react so i will see.

now for another breathtaking start into the day (on my way to the train station):

and look at these super cute flower (on my way to work)!!

have a nice day everyone!!!

and thanks again for all the comments!! i really do appreciate every word you all are writing!! just to know anyone is even reading this makes me feel a little better!

love from

the swiss-girl

(really good) tuesday

hey there...

i don't have much time, as i'm updating every morning from work (about the day before) and today i'm on a tight schedule, so i have to hurry.

but i had a really good day yesterday. i felt okay overall. walked to work in the morning (approx. 25min) and did a few push-ups throughout the day (love working out at work :) but there are not a lot of things i can do). i planned walking home from work (all the way approx. 7 miles) but my mom picked my up so we took our walk along the river, it was sunny and nice and around 4.5 miles and we had a really good time. i remember feeling happy as i got to bed. yay!

breakfast: mymuesli (soaked in water for half an hour), half an apple with cinnamon, pine nuts and yogi tea

lunch: (bottom pic is from sunday, but so much prettier) left-over potato-leek dish with cottage cheese (not pictured)

p.m. snack: two small pears chopped up with cinnamon and 4 darvida w/w crackers

dinner: a huge salad (lettuce, plum tomatoes, cucumber, kidney beans, peas topped with tofu and sunflower seeds and sesame) i shared with my mom (it was overwhelmingly good!!)

dessert: two of each flavored dried fruit balls (mango and banana-cocos) i purchased earlier. had them for the first time and they are both delicious!!

and to show you how my day began today:

what an amazing sunrise!!

this has to be a sign, that it will be a good day!! let's just hope so!

have a good day!

love

the swiss-girl

(a good start for a) monday

good morning everyone!

first of all, thanks for the kind comment! <3

monday was much better. i felt a lot saner, thank got. but monday is usually a good day.

it's my soup/juice day, in which i (kind of) only eat/drink liquidy things. and my body (or especially my mind) knows this by now and i get barely hungry. i like those days! so here we go:

breakfast: yogurt with half a mashed banana, almond butter, pine nuts and flax

i only could manage to eat half of it for breakfast and saved the other half for later.

it hold me over very well and for lunch i tried two new kinds of flavored organic quick soup: 

lunch: one packed spring-flavor and one potato (tossed in 400ml hot water)

it was quite good. the spring-flavor had a few pasta pieces along with veggie chunks in it and the potato one was very creamy. it worked superb together.

a few hours later i was getting a little hungry so i had the other half of my breakfast (should have put it in the fridge, but thank god it's not hot jet, otherwise it might have gone bad).

once i got home i discovered that my previously home-made kohlrabi-soup was no longer enjoyable, so i had to make jet another instant soup. i chose potato a la provencale, which had a lot of veggies (particular zucchini) in it and was great!

 

dinner: two bowls of soup with a total of three w/w crackers and some flavored cottage cheese.

since my monday ballet-class is on hiatus i decided to take an additional jazzgymnastics-class. 85min of pure sweating :) was great and as soon as i got home and was showered i hit the cushion.

i wish you all a nice day!!

love

nic

(bad but sunny) sunday

i don't even know what to write. i'm so caught up with those fat-feelings, i can't even think anything else than not eat. and this leads to thinking what i should eat which ends in eating way too much!!! i just can't handle this!! i don't want to be constantly reminded of how fat i feel (and having no loose pants anymore does certainly not help!!)! i don't want to think about food, what to eat next, or better trying to think what i could eat so it fills me up but to consume little calories as possible. it is destroying me!! and my ability to live and interact with other people. i just don't know how to stop it!!! and i desperately want to stop, stop the thoughts but not the weight-loss (which is not happening at the moment :'( ). and i think this is the main problem! i know i'm nowhere near overweight but i feel like an elephant. damn my head is spinning... again.

enough of this sh**. do not want to annoy YOU (but apparently no one is even reading this, so why should i even bother) with all this damn thoughts.

here a short version of yesterday's food:

  

breakfast: berry oats (delicious!!); a.m. snack: apple, rice-cake with (almond)butter; late lunch: potato-leek dish with (not pictured) little snippets sausage

all well 'till i got home (was spending my afternoon at my moms, taking a walk and studying english) :/

  

dinner: salad with hummus and cottage cheese; late snack (only the first of too many): yogurt with berries, agave nectar and coconut shreds

after i took the snack-pic and blended it all together it was far too runny so i mixed in granola, after that i ate dried fruit, rice-cake with (almond)butter and other things. it just got out of control once again. of course it was not as bad as it could have been, at least i had no refined sugars or any sugar (aside from fruit-sugar). but i certainly hat too much!

on that note... i hope this week will be better, trying to have things in moderation or not at all (things i know tend to lead to eating too much) and i'm looking forward to the week afterward, where i'm at our house in france with my mom and other people and when i'm around people i tend to eat as little as possible. don't exactly know why, but don't care. so the next weeks will hopefully be good... i so desperately want to loose this weight i gained since introducing myself to this "healthy-lifestyle" (which i totally love!)! but i'm not using my scale anymore so i measure with how loose my clothes become (hopefully soon!!).

have a nice day everyone!! at least a better one than i had.

love

swiss-girl

ps: at least i got a good amount of exercise over the weekend! (sunday: calisthenics at home and we took an (maybe more than) hour long walk in the afternoon.

saturday

today was really good, finally.
i was quite busy in the morning, did all kinds of house work (dusting, vacuuming, cleaning up) even before my breakfast:

(overnight oats, handful granola, half a banana chopped up, almond butter and flax)

after enjoying my saturday ballet-class (from 12.30pm-2pm) i visited some friends at their gymnastics training-weekend and had fun watching them train. ^. ^ and used the time for some stretching.
i got home and immediately had to make myself lunch because i was starving! this is my favorite kind of lunch and i could not wait until it got a little warmer so i finally can enjoy salads again!! yay!

(mixed greens, grape tomatoes, cucumber, sprouts, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, hummus and a chopped up turkey piccata on top with just a little balsamic vinegar and soy sauce drizzled over it all)

isn't this a beautiful sight?! ;)

for dessert i had a delicious fruit-salad (pineapple, grape, kiwi, cantaloupe, apple).

when i finished lunch it was time to do my laundry, did some blog reading, catching up on tv series and just relaxed.

my dinner was rather light because of my late lunch i wasn't too hungry. i discovered that one of my avocados i purchased was really ripe so i just had the whole one for dinner! it was delicious!

(two crackers with half of the avocado, the other half of the avocado, a babybel cheese (had another one later on) and some water along)

(dessert was kefir with half a mashed banana with peanut butter and some cranberries for some color)

now i'm back in front of my laptop, will do a little more blog reading, watching tv series and just relaxing more before going to bed soon (it is 10pm already here).
tomorrow i wanna do a lot of english work, my exam is coming close. so i don't know if i will update tomorrow, but i'll certainly catch up mondays.

have a nice day everyone!!

love
'swiss-girl' <3
nic

thursday and friday

here we go!

thursday i made my breakfast to go to eat it on the train to my class about learning more about my 3d drawing program (i don't remember the exact word for advanced training, i know there is one maybe someone can help me out?!):

(yogurt with 1/2 a mashed banana, almond butter, pine nuts and flax and a coke zero)

we got out for lunch all together (the whole class) and we could just choose between tree dishes from the cart and i choose this:

(ragout with spaetzli and a salad (not pictured) and bread; this actually a picture of the plate after i finished it it was twice as much!!)

i snacked on a few almonds, dried banana and three ricecakes (no picture) on my way back and before my jazzgymnastic class (90min) oh and i walked around for about 50min too throughout the day.

for dinner (i just looooove to make my own salads!!!):

(salad with chips)

and whatnot afterward (not too bad but too much!!!)

today (friday) i had:
breakfast (on the train again):

(yogurt with 1/2 a mashed banana, pine nuts some crushed cookies, chopped up dried fig, cranberries and flax and a coke zero and tea)

lunch was at the same restaurant as yesterday (it was funny trying to take a foto with my mobile so nobody asked questions):

(fish with salt potatoes and spinach, i also had bread)

snacking in the train again on my way home (the apple i had between classes):

(almonds, dried banana, (not pictured) a butterfinger-bar, some crackers)

and from then on it just went downward. i ate a crap-load of crackers, ricecakes with butter and some chicken, yogurt with crushed cookies in it, dark chocolate and dried fruit. i know it's not bad food but just too much!! i wasn't even hungry!!! so why did i eat?! grrr...

at least i walked almost two hours today!!

and now i'm going to brush my teeth and everything else and take my laptop to bed and enjoy watching a few new episodes of various series (i so watch too much series!!!).

good night everyone!!

love (the last i have right now)
n.

edit: something's wrong with this entry... i can't fix the font size and the colors are also wrong!!! help!!!! i really need to go to sleep... this is driving my crazier than it should!!!

feeling down

i'm feeling totally and utterly down lately... to be exact, it's since eastern or since i gave in to those damn chocolate eggs!!! everything got downhill from there!

i know it's no big deal and those chocolates over eastern won't kill me. but my mind is killing me!! there is this non-stop voice in my head telling me "your so fat! why are you still eating?! can't you see that you are growing by the minute?!" and it is so draining!!! it needs all my power to not give in and just stop eating or restrict to a very low calorie intake!! and this then leads to binging because then again my voice in my head tells me the utter opposite like "it doesn't even matter now, you had this chocolate/or whatever so you can have ten more" or things like that and this leads to eating until i literally can't anymore.
i feel so embarrassed to even write this down!! but i have to, because then it becomes real and maybe it will be easier to do something against it.
in therapy this week we talked a little about my "over-eating" (which thank god isn't this great amount anymore because i can't eat as much as i could a few years ago) and came to the conclusion (it's not that i didn't know this before but to actually talk about it is a different story) that it shows that i'm hungry for something. emotionally. but i just can't get a hold to what it is!! it is just to deep and to be honest i'm totally scared to find out!

alright... i already wrote too much.. i just don't want to bother anyone with my stupid problems and thoughts, so i'm going to upload my pics from yesterday's and today's food (could not take a picture of everything, especially from my binge..) and will make another short post with all the pics and short description.

so... i wish everyone who has the patience to even read here a very nice day/evening/night and stay strong and take care!!

love
n.

wednesday

here we go. my first post about food and excercice *yay*!

as i don't have too much time (my english advanced class starts soon), i'll try to make this short!

starting with breakfast, which i usually eat at work in front of my computer:

(muesli, half an apple sprinkled with cinnamon, pine nuts and flax seeds and 34oz (usually) yogi tea)

no a.m. snack today (or most days actually). 

today i brought myself (from home) the same thing for lunch and dinner because on wednesdays i directly go to my ballet-class (only 30min barre a terre), come back to my office to shower and eat dinner so i can go to my english class at 8pm. will explain this another time.

so here my lunch/dinner (took only one pic):

(eggplant, yellow and red bell pepper, zucchini, onion, garlic with a handful of w/w pasta, sprinkled with a few nuts/seeds)

after this lunch was filling but did not last very long so i had a p.m. (and pre-workout) snack: 

    

(half an avocado and a granola bar covered with dark chocolate)

i walked to my dance-class (about 40min) and after a very successful ballet-lesson i headed strait back to my office and enjoyed lunch during this post ^. ^ right know i'm munching on a handful of left-over granola to use it up.

but now i really have to hurry. i don't want to be late... again!!

have a really nice day/evening/whatever!!!

ps: i don't know when i get around to posting next time because i'm not at work the next two days. and i'm not sure if i can take pictures from lunch... we will see...!

update: i'm home after an exhausting class. glad it's over. had another farmer granola-bar on my way home and now can't wait to get to bed. nighty night everyone!!

sunny

i just want to make a post today.

tomorrow i start my daily (food/exercise/whatever) posts.

but today i'm just writing about the awesome weather we have here since more than a week!!!

it makes it really hard not to feel good, which is a good thing! i am sure my mood would be at a totally different place if it weren't for the sun.

but i don't want to get into that too much, i have to enjoy the sunny happy feeling as long as it lasts and tomorrow it will be over apparently.

yesterday after my treatment i walked almost all the way home from the city (zurich).

it took me exactly 1.5 hours from where i started to my flat, it was really nice and all the way along the river. i savored every minute, even though i knew i would arrive home late and i don't like to eat after 7pm. but it was ok for this one time. and i only had a small dinner.

to show the cuteness of this time of the year, here are a few pix from my mini orchid (my mom bought it for my and i took it to work, where i can watch and adore her all the time ^. ^):

    

have a nice day everyone and enjoy the sun, if you can!!

here my firs link to an other blogger:

- julianna is doing her first giveaway!! *YAY* take a look over at peanut butter and juli

first time posting ^. ^

after reading a lot of blogs lately and enjoying them i decided to transfer from livejournal to the blog-world.

i have no idea how this will work out and even if anyone will be interested what a 25y old swiss girl writes about, but i'm doing this initially for myself so i can practice my writing, get used to writing everything down and as i discovered over the last few weeks in livejournal, writing down all my thoughts brings some light on a lot of things.

(please feel free to tell me, if i make mistakes, use collocations wrong or just write sh**)

so i don't want to bother much more with my rambling (today is not a good day, i feel very hesitant about writing and just have a bad day to say the least). so i'll just stop.

i hope i can start taking pictures of my food and integrate them in my posts (to make them pretty). and get rid of my insecurities.

have a nice day everyone!!

oh how i loooove spring!!