Kind of happy.... Again!! :)

Hey you all!!

THANK YOU so much for all the comments!!! You have no idea how much better I felt after reading them!!! Thank you!!!

As you see from the title, after the bad low I'm better! YAY!!

Had a good-ish weekend. Had fun and felt good about my decisions I made (food, exercise and every thing).

On sunday I finally got back into the saddle! ;) I had a horseback-riding "date" with my two nieces and a good friend! And it felt soooo good!!!

Since I selled my horse (1.5 years ago) I only went riding once and now twice!! I just never felt the urge to do it. But now I think it's coming back! And I'm really happy about it!!

Here a crappy pic from my cell:

Sorry for the bad quality and the not so enjoyable angle!!

Yesterday started my new ballet class with my favorite teacher!!

It was soooooo great!! Did I ever tell you that I could dance all day long?! Every day of the week? If I could take a class with Heidi every day, I totally would!!

And when I finally lost my gained weight I will be able to enjoy the classes soooo much more!!

But I'm on the right way... I'm loosing slowly but surely!! And that's so much better than last time!

Oh and today I'm taking a new Yoga class! I'm very excited and looking forward to it!

Will post about it next time!!

Again... No more pix, sorry!! I totally have to start taking my camera with me!! I usually have pretty eats, so taking pictures will have to start again!!

Have a nice day/evening/night everyone!!! And again!! Thanks for taking up with me!! And reading all my nonsence ;) (I know it's not... But...)

Bye... <3

Blah ****

I don't understand, how I can land so deep in this hole after such amazing weeks!!?!

It's just annoying!! I don't know what so think let alone write!!

I know you all are probably sick of reading how everyone struggles, especially me... As I'm not even sick or have anything to complain!

I'm at a healthy weight (more in the upper range than I'd like!) and have so much good things around me! And nonetheless I'm beating myself up about this damn disorder!!!

The more I'd like to finally loose those pounds, the more I crave!! The more I give in! And the more miserable I become!!! It is sooooo depressing!!

I really hope that once my normal dance schedule started again, it will be easier... Not sitting around on my to big butt and thinking about food!!

Acutally I know that I should stop reading all your awesome bloggs, because I think enough about food without reading about it, but I just can't stop, I don't want to stop!

Damn.... Why oh why did I let it come so fare!! I'm disgusted about my stomage flab more than anything!! It's not too much but just enough to keep me on the edge of my seat about it, I always "see" it... On one side I think I just see what's not here but I know I've gotten a little "round" so to speak!! And it bothers me more than I'd like or than I'd ever would admit!!

I have noone to talk about this, noone knows how much I really struggle whit this sh*t! And I'm not sure if even I get how deep I'm in this!!

Here I go again... A pitty post... Great! But I really don't know where to turn. I know you all are annoyed by everyone writing about all that negativity and.... As much as I appear to be positive all the time... It's just a facade, so I don't have to explain, as I know noone would understand!!

I have an obese co-worker and this does not make it easyer... Damn... I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm 'talking' about, my thoughts are so all over the place I just need to get some out!!

Whatever... Sorry for bothering you with all this. I might update later on a lighter note. But can't promise anything!!

If you read through all this, you really deserve some gold medal or something! Thank you and again... Sorry for this rant!!

Hugs

(Power) Yoga Week

Well hello to all the fellow blogettes :)

Time to update (once more without pics, because they are all at home still hiding inside my cam)!

Hadn't had such an awesome week... Just a lot of snacking and mindless eating that leaded to not feeling so good about myself... But whatever!! New week, got to leave that behind me!!

News include:

• Finally found OKRA!!!! My local Asia Store sells okra!!! (Shout out to Gliding Calm!!) And I'm sooo in love with it!! Top 5 fav vegetables for sure!!
• And last week I made (more than) one of Gliding Calm's snack plates!! (pics are coming!)
• Did not do ONE thing last week on the workout-side!! Just enjoyed the week off (between the Jazz- and Power Yoga-Workshop weeks) and before my normal dance/fitness schedule starts again next week!! But I'm soooo looking forward to Ballet and Jazz and Yoga each week (some multiple times YAY!!
• Aside from eating pretty much too much each day, I had some yummie eats!!
• Yesterday I had my first 'Oats in the Jar' and WOW!! How awesome!! (Damn me for not taking a pic!)

I hope that I will return to taking more pictures from my food!! I know I'm totally lacking in that area!! But I can't promise anything since I really don't want the ppl at work (though they are awesome but probably would not understand it!) knowing that I have a blog and since I'm eating two of my meals at work it's a little dificult to photograph them! But I'll try to take pics from my breakfast and lunch once and therefore can use those pics multiple times because I have (almost) the same breakfast/lunch everyday!! ;)

Alright... I will stop here. But not before I tell you how weird my first PowerYoga lesson yesterday was! Not bad weird, just out-of-the-ordinary weird!

First of all the teacher always talked to us (7 students) as if there were just one person. Kind of unusual for me but cute! And of course the positions!! Courtney came to my mind more than once! ;) I like it but I think I will like the "normal" Yoga more... Because this is a little hurried, or at least that's what it felt like. More strength than meditation but it's alright for this week when I don't have anything else. But I'm really looking forward to my soon-to-be weekly Yoga.

Oh and to leave this once more with a positive note! As I already wrote in a comment on Tori's awesome blog I encountered kind of a little breakthrough this morning! When I saw myself semi-naked on the bathroom mirror I though "Wow, look how far you've come! This is what you can accomplish with NOT starving yourself and not hurrying to loose the pounds!! You look toned and healthy!! And the last few pounds will drop slowly but surely too!!"

I'm really proud of myself... Even though I had a sh*tty last week and did definitely eat too much more than once, I still think my body looks good and I'm content with what I accomplished and I'm not beating myself up for not doing so great a few days!!

Hopefully this positive stride will continue!! I work hard on it!!

Alright!! Have a great day/afternoon/evening/night whatever!! Just enjoy yourself and keep in mind (to include some Operation Beautiful in here) You All Are Awesome!! Just The Way You Are!!

Plenty of hugs for you all!!

Oh and THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH for the nice and kind comments!! You really made my day!! I hope to get a few more readers slowly but steady! Or am I so lame?! ;)

--- pics will be up in a few hours!

update:

look at those two beautiful plates!! colorful and flavorful! just awesome!

close-up of the raw plate

and not to forget the delicious sweet potatoe fries mmmh!

a few weeks ago i did a curry dish and topped it with some tuna! yummie!

and last but not least here is the almond butter a talked a few posts ago!

close-up of the yummieness! :)

Dance Week

Hello to you all!!

I know, I know, I'm a really bad blogger lately!! I don't even know why I lack the enthusiasm to post anything! It's not that my life is so boring, or that I'm so happy I forget to write.

I think it's just the fact that writing in english is exhausting some times!! Although I think most of the time in english (no wonder with all the english reading I do throughout the day (all your lovely blogs!!) and watching all the series in english (just wached the hole 5 seasons of Grey's again!)) But nonetheless I always have the impression that I'm not good enough!!! DAMN those thoughts!!!

Whatever.... On to a much happier topic!!

Last week was a blast!!! I participated for the first time in a hole-week workshop (1.5h each day)! With a teacher I did not know (saw here a few times before though), and a dance-style I never danced before!! AND it was flat out AMAZING!!!! I am so IN LOVE with modern-jazz and Anja (the teacher)!!! I can't even describe it!! It was just so... so... freeing... so... 'just-don't-think-anything'.. and I enjoyed every minute and am really sad that it's over. :(

Feeling soooooo good about my body (even though I still have a long way ahead of me) about ME and just about everything right now and I'm totally enjoying this feeling!!

Had a few bad moments of course but the good ones overweighted.

S0rry... No pics... Did not photograf one thing all week... Had no intentions to do it, but my eats where amazing!! Still using dailyplate to check on my calories (neede that one badly last week to have enough energy/carbs) but I'm okay with it. And did NOT BINGE in over a week!!! YAY!! I'm really proud of myself!! Even if this sounds cheesy!!

So... I'm gonna stop here before something negative comes to my mind ;)

Let's see if I can find a pic on my computer, so this isn't text only.... *searching*

YAY found one... I don't think I ever showed you a photo of the horse I had?!

Here he is (we are):

This is the first and only competition I ever did! And that was only because HE LOVED it!! :)

PS: Phew... My safari just endet itself! Thank god blogger saves the posts every few seconds!! I think I would have cried if not!! What a baby I am!!

Short Update

Hey everyone!

I'm a bad blogger at the moment!! And I'm really sorry about it!

But I'm not doing so great and I don't want to drag you all down, as I see that a lot are doing not sooooo awesome at the time. So why contribute to that...

It's nothing major FYI. I'm just really annoyed at myself for not loosing any weight and try at the same time to just stop obsessing over food and weight. But that's just not an easy task and of course is draining me of all my energy.

I try to not let this interact with my life too much, not letting this show to others because I don't want others to know how much i struggle.

But be social and not revealing my true feelings is just hard!!

Thank god I found some really comfy and cute clothes last week in which I feel pretty ok. But knowing I do not loos this damn weight as easily as I'd like is always making my appearance in a mirror totaly wrong! Damn those feelings!!

But I am sure I'm on the right track and will continue on it! Sadly I'm back at calorie counting but what's different to the last times is that I just track the foods I eat AFTER I did and do not plan AHEAD with it. Just so I see what I do wrong (calorie/eating-wise) and where I can improve. And I don't do it on weekends (or at least try not to ;) ).

So now you know what's going on with me and so you don't just have to read my boring words, I will upload a few nice pics this evening from home, because I made some Almond- and Peanut Butter this weekend. YUMMIE!

Oh and to end this on a happier note. I spent some great hours with friends and family over the past few weeks and I enjoy being more social and enjoy spending time with others.

So... Have a nice day/night/whathever.

Love you all and thanks for all the nice words!! This really keeps me going!

n.

Update:

Here are the fotos I promised:

First the AlmondButter I made on Saturday:

Yummie! :)

I did not do those this weekend, but I found them on my camera, aren't they cute?! ;)

And last but definitely not least: My own zucchini from my "balcony-garden"! :D

CAE exam and nice evening

Well hello there...!!

I'm in a rather chippery mood today and very happy about it!!

Mainly because I have my exams behind me and now it's just waiting. I don't think I wont pass but you never know. So... Until the 31th of july I will try to forget about the exam and focusing on things I CAN do (since I can't change how I did on the exam).

But I really enjoyed the socializing afterwards which took me as a little surprise. We (almost all of our english class and two I did not know) went strait to a restaurant after we finished our exams and enjoyed the beautiful afternoon and evening in the warm weather.

Here is where we were:

But thank god it wasn't that crowded yesterday but this might have something to do with the time, we arrived there around 4.30pm and stayed until well past 9pm. Did I already mention that we had a really good time?! ;)

I ate a little almond-bar on our way to the restaurant and I'm really glad I did because that was the last thing I ate yesterday and it worked well with all the alcohol (three wodka/oj) as well as a good base so I did not felt unconfortable drunk, just a little tipsy.

I really had a blast!! Don't know what to write... It was just great!! And everytime I do someting like that (join in for drinks and such things with a bunch of people) and it ends awesome, I ask myself why I even doubt it... Whatever... I will definitely try and do things like this more often.

Maybe I even end up with a new friend. But I don't have his number... If I'm lucky he will write me (no big deal for him since his friend has my number - long story) and maybe we will meet up... But if not... That's okay too.

Yeah... That's it. I think I'm finally on the right path.. Not only mood wise (this sounds really weird) but also with eating and exercise.

I will keep you postet (even though I have no idea if anyone is even reading anymore, but even if not I enjoy writing so much lately.. I will try to keep up with blogging) and once again, sorry if sometimes I don't make sende or something like that... But I really try my best with this awesome language and really am in love with it...!

There you go... Have a nice day/night wherever you are!!

Love and hugs

the SwissGirl

update 06/15

Hey everyone!!

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. But honestly I'm not doing so well.

It's nothing in particular but everything is growing over my head.

I'm trying my best. And I hope it will all get easier once I finished my exam (oral went well and writing is on wednesday). We will see.

Eating is ok. Still too much (not loosing any weight and I really need to!! I'm 130 now and 120 is my ideal weight. But I will get there. Step by step.) but this will solve itself once summer is full on. I'm ususally not as hungry when it's hot so this will help. I try to not stress out too much over it. But I'd really like to see at least a little change (downwards) in my weight.

So... I hope you all are doing well and are staying strong (a little for me too ;) ).

I try to update once in a while. But I can't promise anything!

Much love for all you nice readers (even if there are only a few!)

the SwissGril