Wednesday, August 12

Blah ****

I don't understand, how I can land so deep in this hole after such amazing weeks!!?!
It's just annoying!! I don't know what so think let alone write!!
I know you all are probably sick of reading how everyone struggles, especially me... As I'm not even sick or have anything to complain!
I'm at a healthy weight (more in the upper range than I'd like!) and have so much good things around me! And nonetheless I'm beating myself up about this damn disorder!!!
The more I'd like to finally loose those pounds, the more I crave!! The more I give in! And the more miserable I become!!! It is sooooo depressing!!
I really hope that once my normal dance schedule started again, it will be easier... Not sitting around on my to big butt and thinking about food!!
Acutally I know that I should stop reading all your awesome bloggs, because I think enough about food without reading about it, but I just can't stop, I don't want to stop!
Damn.... Why oh why did I let it come so fare!! I'm disgusted about my stomage flab more than anything!! It's not too much but just enough to keep me on the edge of my seat about it, I always "see" it... On one side I think I just see what's not here but I know I've gotten a little "round" so to speak!! And it bothers me more than I'd like or than I'd ever would admit!!
I have noone to talk about this, noone knows how much I really struggle whit this sh*t! And I'm not sure if even I get how deep I'm in this!!

Here I go again... A pitty post... Great! But I really don't know where to turn. I know you all are annoyed by everyone writing about all that negativity and.... As much as I appear to be positive all the time... It's just a facade, so I don't have to explain, as I know noone would understand!!
I have an obese co-worker and this does not make it easyer... Damn... I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm 'talking' about, my thoughts are so all over the place I just need to get some out!!

Whatever... Sorry for bothering you with all this. I might update later on a lighter note. But can't promise anything!!

If you read through all this, you really deserve some gold medal or something! Thank you and again... Sorry for this rant!!



  1. You are not bothering anyone with this. I'm so glad that you can be open and transparent here and feel the freedom to speak what is on your mind. We are our own worst critics about our body. It's something well all have to work on. As for me, I think about food all the time since I am not in school or working. Finding other things to do helps. Go for a walk or to the mall. Keep your mind busy in a book or something. Good luck and hang in there.

  2. Thank you for your lovely comment - I will miss reading them but I think it's the right thing for now, y'know? I was v. excited when you said 'maybe see each other in October' - where abouts are you going? :)
    On a different note, I'm sorry you're having a difficult time at the moment... 'This too, shall pass' easier said than done, I know, but I always find comfort in that thought.
    I'm 'Jemima Owen' on facebook :)

  3. oh no :( im so sorry you are dealing with such a rough time right now! I know that this may help but you must remember that it is highly important to start loving YOU. It may seem hard because you feel unhappy with your body, but perhaps if you stop placing so much focus on it, you will be able to enjoy in other aspects of your life. Based on the picture you have in your profile, you are so lovely and have a perfectly wonderful and beautiful body so I cant imagine why you are so hard on yourself. I wish you could stop being so mean to yourself because you truly deserve only kindness!

  4. no worries dear, this is YOUR you can write about what YOU want. your ranting/whatever you want to call it is not bothersome whatsoever...sometimes it feels better to be able to have somewhere even to release it, right?
    just know that tomorrow is a new day..each day is, and a new beginning to feel better about life and yourself in general.
    hang in there! <3