Wednesday, May 5

Back --- Finally

Whewww... That was an unexpected long break!!!
I'm so sorry for that!!
It wasn't planed but - to be quite honest - it was relieving and I totally needed it!!

Nonetheless I'm so glad to be back!!
Hope you are too?! ;)

Well how are you?! How have you been?!

Where do I start?!
Actually I'd like to mention Rebecca here first! Because she is the reason I do this post!
Or at least she was the last push I needed to finally find the courage to write again!
I need to say here that I am really intimidated by all your fabulous writing!!
I wish I would be able to articulate myself like you do!
But I know that it isn't important how many words I use or if they are fancy or not! The important thing is that I really enjoy interacting with you all and I really care for all of you. At the same time this is the reason why it takes so long for me to do a post! I overthink and overanalyse everything, every word, every sentence!!
I just NEED to STOP this!! And I think I'm on the right way!

Alright... Where have I been?! What was I doing?! You might ask yourself.
The answer is: Nothing!
Ok that's not quite the truth, of course I've been doing lots and have been here and there! But it really doesn't feel like i did! It's like I didn't LIVE in the first few month of this year and just existed!
And I'm just about to finally wake up and get going again! I'm eager to move on!! And ready for it!

It was an exhausting time even though I didn't do much (aside from my dancing and eating way to much!!) and mentally draining! I was in a bad place!! Constantly doubting myself and 'feeling fat'! I know... FAT isn't a feeling but I was so consumed by my body (how it felt, looked and how my clothes fit)!!
I of course restricted (or better tried to) and therefore binged not long after!!
What a vicious cycle I know way too well.

But I got out!! I pulled through!!
I'm steadily loosing again (and for those of you who don't know, I'm NOT and nowhere near underweight so that's a good thing!!) and am happy with my life at the moment!!

I'm happy with my dancing, (I finally got rid of the pain in my calf!! It seems to be healed aside from some soreness now and then) I'm making progress!
Finally being able to do pointe again!!! Looking forward to the play we are having in June - of course I'm nervous and afraid of failure but right now the excitement and eagerness to become better overtake the negative feelings!!
Jazz is making a lot more sense to me and I start to really enjoy movements I really loathed for a long time!!

What else?! Oh right... On the 'food-front' I did a lot of experimenting!
Of course AFTER I pulled myself out of the rut I was in the first few month of 2010!
Lot's of veggie-lunches, salads and almond butter-yogurts there!
I finally dried a Green Monster!! WOW!! Why did I wait so long?! (Maybe because we don't have as much fresh spinach here in Switzerland in winter?! And now there is lots of spinache everywhere!! Even organic one!! YAY!!)
I had one every day the first week I tried it!!! And now it's my to-go recovery meal for dance nights (Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I have ballet and/or jazz) and I AM IN LOVE!!! So much variation!

Furthermore I am acually experimenting with new meals!!
It really helped that the temperatures dropped again (even though I really enjoyed the nice weather and low 70s) and it's rainy and cold here! That way I fancy warm meals! And I discover my passion for comming up with new creations! So glad!! What a joy to just try!!

Oh and I finally (lots of finally's in this post!! Sorry!) made homemade Larabars - NicBars! ;D
Soooo good!!
The first time I did them I overwhelmed myself because I couldn't settle for just two or three flavors
- I had to do FIFE (cashew cookie, pistachio, coconut, lime, tropical)!!!
Now I'm down to my TREE favorites (tropical, coconut and coconut&cacao),
which I'm doing over and over again! Such a great pre-workout snack!!

And here we are!!!
Lots of words (and no pics, sorry!!) later, I'm still living! JK ;)
I am so glad I took the step and did this post!! I actually planned on doing just a draft and then come back later to add stuff but I just couldn't stop writing!! And even though I don't have any pictures here (my camera is at home and I didn't to lots of photografing the last few month!) I am going to push that PUBLISH button right know!!

I'll be back!! With pictures of the NicBars and GreenMonsters!! Promise!!
I hope I still have some readers!!

And my apologizes again for being AWOL for so long!! But I just needed the break apparently!

Thanks for reading!! And thanks for all the comments I got through Facebook and such!!
You all are just amazing!!

Have a wonderful day/night whathever it is where you are!!

Lots and lots of love!!


  1. welcome back girl :) sounds like life is going well!

  2. SO excited to see youre back hun!!! Im sorry youve been struggling...just goes to prove that the recovery doesnt stop at the PHYSICAL...but its so much more than that.

    Im glad dancing has helped you so much...and YAYAY for green monsters!!! :D heehee arent they great ;)

    Excited for more posts from ya, girlie!

  3. Welcome back gorgeous! So happy that you are thriving and not merely 'surviving'! You can write about WHATEVER you want, whenever, and however! We love you for you!

  4. NIC!!
    you made my night!!!!! ahh thank thank THANK you for the shout out-- you have so much to offer through your writing and inspire me beyond what I could put into words.

    here for you, girl. always always <3

  5. YOU'RE BAAAAAAAACK! ok i know you didn't really disappear since you've been commenting on my blog still and we had that mini ("hi!" "hi!" "i have to go!" "ok" "bye" "bye") chat on facebook haha, but it's nice to see you back in the blogosphere.
    im glad to hear that you've pulled yourself out of ED's deathly grips. green monsters are fabulous and so are homemade larabars :)
    how's pointe going? hope it's good!
    lots of love :)

  6. Never, ever compare yourself to other bloggers - everyone brings something different to the table!! If we were all the same it would be no fun, right?! And from what I can tell, you have nothing to feel ashamed of :)
    I'm so glad you're doing well - and cannot wait to follow you on our journey :)